I was not a very honest kid. I was a good kid- not usually one to pick fights or act up— but I struggled with sharing the truth of why I was acting certain ways and why I made certain choices. I found it hard to feel comfortable trusting people to keep my secrets, so I learned to keep all my own secrets instead so my day to day life was easier. Not major secrets, but things about who I was and who I wanted to be that I knew I was going to be judged on.
Part of that is life— judging people isn’t a black-and-white situation. When you are walking down the street and see someone that starts pinging all those red flags in your head, you start to take action to protect yourself. That’s “judging” people, but it’s also a biological imperative we have to assess our surroundings for danger at all times. Everyone is constantly judging everyone else to see if there is danger, who is a friend, where the resources are, and how to act in this particular situation— it’s learning to not hold those judgements against other people that they switch from stranger to friend. If you make a dumb choice, I’m not afraid to tell you it was a dumb choice- but I will also be by your side the whole time to help you figure it out.
Did I judge you by about the dumb choice? Probably.
Does that change our relationship and how much I want to help you succeed? Not really.
So when I came to live in my own home on my own terms, I had all these secret desires and dreams that I needed to start processing and working on. The number one way to get what you want? SIMPLY ASK FOR IT. Ask for what you want- find someone in charge of what you want and ask them how to go about achieving it. Ask for space, ask for time, ask for cuddles, ask for explanations, ask for expectations. Ask nicely and don’t expect anything in return for it— but at least ask.
Will you get it immediately with no work put it? Not likely.
Will you be much closer to getting what you want? Absolutely.
Time marches on without regard to your dreams or schedules. If you don’t ask for what you want and pursue your dreams, then all you’ve gotten out of life is regret and missed opportunities, and you don’t get to go back and fix it.
Be bold- Ask for what you need, then put in the work to make it happen. It’s hard and complicated and will take a long time— but you will get there.