“I don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry about people in my face. I hit ‘em with the style and grace, and watch their ankles break” -Leon Bridges
First of all, if you aren’t listening to Leon Bridges, do yourself the favor— silky, smooth, and the perfect vibe for drinking wine on the porch on a hot summer evening.
But honestly- maintaining your sense of peace and calm when someone wants to get in your business is hard. Not only is processing someone else’s drama difficult, but resisting the urge to respond back in kind is monumental. How many of you know these people that absolutely refuse to NOT have the last word? Even when they are in the wrong or acting crazy, they always have to get a last jab or comment in just to make sure that you don’t walk away feeling anything good about yourself. You walk away confused and angry and sad and with an adrenaline rush that goes to nowhere- and then you fight with yourself on the whole drive home about what happened and why it went awry and what you could’ve done...
It’s taught to us that we need to control ourselves- we need to control our impulses and emotions in order to function in society. (**Quick side note: Anti-social means behaviors that challenge social norms and cultural behavior expectations, not that you don’t like to be social. Thank you for coming to my mini Ted Talk.**) But you hear all the time about how people couldn’t help but respond to negatively or baiting— “they made me mad or sad”- and then the trite response of “No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to”.
But c’mon.... We all know that’s not true.
When your friend stabs you in the back? That fucking hurts!
When your significant other lies to you? OUCH!
When your parent says they’re disappointed? Just throw me into a pit y’all because I’m done...
We can’t help our feelings and emotions, not all the time. Sometimes shit happens and it HURTS and you weren’t expecting it to. Sometimes someone makes such a poor decision that you are horrified at their actions, but you didn’t know you would be before it happened. So I say that sometimes we can, but a lot of times what we feel and how we process emotional information is out of our hands. If it wasn’t, I’d be able to sit through Interstellar and not sob like a baby...
So forget all that. We can’t always control our feelings, but we can ALWAYS control our behavior. (**A caveat for those people who live with severe mental health issues who do not possess impulse control**). For most people, we are in complete control of our behavior- the choices we make, the actions we take, and the words that come out of our mouths. We have the ability to stop, think, and react like many animals and children are unable to do. If a child throws a tantrum in the store, it is super tempting to yell back and get frustrated and grab the kid and haul ass out of there. It’s also super tempting to turn around and then say “You made me do that to you”. But they DIDN’T. The child displayed a behavior, which triggered an emotion for you, maybe a combo of frustration and embarrassment if it was in public. But here is where the magic happens— you get to PICK how to respond to it! You can choose to stomp out of the store dragging a limp child behind you, or you can choose to stop what you are doing and address the issue calmly. You are in complete control of your behavior toward others— it just feels a lot better in the moment when we cut loose. Doesn’t feel great later though when you realize that you acted an ASS to someone else for no good reason....
So this quote reminds me of that— People will always try to tear you down. In our world, there are no ties, only winners and losers. We have always competed against each other, but now that resources are available and basic wilderness survival is further from our present, we now compete emotionally for superiority. But there is nothing superior, graceful, or stylish about being a grown-ass adult throwing a temper tantrum. Some people may never mature past 7th grade, and they will always try to take your peace of mind away from you. But the ultimate move to make is to behave well toward others, even when they don’t give you the same respect. At the end of the day, they’ll have broken ankles and you’ll be strutting down the beach ☀️