“Remain firm about your goals, but flexible about your methods.” William A. Donohue
Basically, there is more than one way to skin a cat… and I know this because I also have a book entitled “101 Ways to Use a Dead Cat”… (IT’S A JOKE).
All you hear in school growing up is to set goals, achieve goals, and make new goals. And usually there is one very specific way that they want you to accomplish that goal. And if you don’t, then whether you achieve the goal in the end or not is almost irrelevant. I’ve read that one of the issues facing Millennials is that we watched our parents achieve certain society goals- nice house, nice car, 2.5 kids and a yellow lab settled quietly at the end of a suburban street. But then we watched them continue to be unhappy with those achievements, and most bizarrely, continue the rhetoric that those are things that we are supposed to have to make us happy. If working 40 hours a week for 30 years to afford a lifestyle if your idea of bliss, then kudos! America is set up to be your oyster. But I feel Iike many Millennials and Zoomers are seeing that those goals and accomplishments did not bring peace or happiness, so why would we continue down a path that doesn’t lead to that?
Why would I choose to bust my ass to achieve a life I don’t want to live? Why would I subjugate my talents and ideas to serve a corporation that I don’t believe should exist? Why should I let a generation of generally miserable people tell me why my life is wrong?
I think our goals are all the same at the core— we want to be happy, healthy, and secure. We want to wake up with purpose and go to sleep at night with security. We want to feel peace and understanding and motivation during the day to contribute to society and create a better world for the generations to come. We want to be able to have fun on our terms and feel like an integral part of the human experience. We want to feel a sense of security and autonomy over our lives. But the important difference is this- there are innumerable methods in which to achieve those goals. Happy to one person may mean misery to another, so why not allow people to achieve their goals by the methods that work most effectively for them?
Some people thrive under pressure, and others need a quiet and calm space to process. Some people fill up their energy meter with the hustle and bustle of other people and life. Others recharge by being alone out in nature. Some people need lists and charts and data to make a decision- some people just listen to the little woman in their gut telling them yes or no.
Why can’t we both be right? Why does everything have to boil down to winning or losing? And at the end of your life, if you’ve achieved all the goals you are supposed to but still are unhappy and unfulfilled, then what did you really win?
If I can live life on my terms** and I look back from my deathbed with satisfaction at the life I was lucky enough to experience, then I think that is a win. I may not have tons of money or live in the nicest house, and there are definitely some beans and rice days toward the end of the month— but I still wouldn’t change a single goddamn moment of it.
** There is always a caveat in self-determination. You can make your own choices as long as they aren’t hurting yourself or other people. Making your own choice at the expense of someone else isn’t autonomy- it’s oppression.**