“The strong survive, they stay alive, they’re always cool… But that they never teach you in school,” Four Tops.
Strength is such a funny way to measure things. Strength is a subjective category to measure, despite all the many standing beliefs that say physical strength is the end-all be-all of what “good” strength is. Being small or not physically inclined is seen as an inherent weakness- there is a standing belief that “Strong and Pretty equals Good” in our society. Those who are not Strong and Pretty are then seen as lazy, weak, stupid, or taking advantage of “the system”, or some other uncomplimentary combination of words.
But real, actual strength is not necessarily what you can (or can’t) bench press. It can include that, but emotional and mental strength are far more useful measures of overall success than physical strength. You can have all the biceps you want, but without emotional strength or maturity, then all you are is a weapon for someone else to manipulate. It’s useful to know how to handle yourself in a fight, but it’s even more useful to be able to identify a bad situation long before you are trading fisticuffs in the Big Lots parking lot. Learning to develop emotional and mental strength can not only prevent you from choosing to participate in dangerous activities on impulse, but they can also assist you in cleaning up whatever mess you have made. For instance, if you drop a cup and break it, you can choose to have a physical response— slam the cupboard, yell, angrily snatch up the broom to clean it up, then stomp around for a bit after until the physical response in your body wears itself out. Or, you can have an emotionally mature response by saying, “ah, crap”, picking up the pieces, and moving on with your day.
It’s not to say that you can’t get frustrated— everyone has a different natural response to adrenaline flooding their system. I personally tend to get very weepy when my body feels that adrenaline hit, even if I’m not particularly sad or emotional about the subject. That’s just how my body chooses to process that hormone. Some people have that same unconscious reaction but in anger— their body processes adrenaline by upping rage and physical movement. So you can’t always help your initial reaction to things- your gut reaction to a situation right in the moment. But like I’ve said in blogs past, just because you feel rage doesn’t mean you need or get to express it. You can’t help what your feelings are— but you are wholly and completely responsible for your actions and how you choose to handle those feelings. So in addition to picking up the barbell, let’s also pick up some emotional regulation skills- both require consistent work, vigilance, and dedication to succeed.
You create time in your busy schedule for exercise of the body— why neglect the mind? It requires just as much effort to grow and maintain mentally as it does physically- just a different kind of effort. Instead of crunches,do reflection journals to develop self-awareness of bad habits. Instead of pursuing a dead-lift PR, learn to identify trauma and reprocess it within your narrative. Instead of breaking a sweat while doing cardio, break cognitive distortions and learn to see the world as it is, not how you are experiencing it.
Better yet- combine the two activities! Work on your trauma AND your glutes! Chisel out your abs AND all the baggage left over from your childhood. Emerge from your hard work cocoon as someone not only in better health physically, but in better health mentally and emotionally.
Because you know what is not attractive? Being a walking red flag for abuse, rage, manipulation, resentment, and arrogance. Throwing a temper tantrum is for toddlers, not grown-ass adults… so go to therapy and start figuring it the f**k out.