It’s an idea we have all seen in movies and television— the ominous left-behind skin of a snake that has shed its’ previous size and graduated to taking up more space in this world. While finding a skin in real-life would send both me and my husband screaming in the other direction, it does have a very concrete symbolism to hang on to. Before I left my hometown and state of origin, I didn’t notice the tightness and restriction that was starting to crop up around my life— I didn’t notice how narrow my world view was or how judgmental I was of people living free lifestyles. I was comfortable in the skin I was in. I knew how to operate like that, how to achieve certain goals and access certain resources. I felt like the master of my world, and had that complete confidence that comes from utter ignorance.
But then we left and moved into a whole new culture- one that didn’t care who I was or what my last name was or what my family lineage was. We were 2100 miles away from any family and completely reliant on ourselves for what we realized was the first time ever. No quick calls to dad to figure out car stuff, no desperate pleas for mom to drop off food when we got sick, no sisters or cousins or nieces and nephews to occupy our Sunday dinner times. If the car broke down in the middle of the day 60 miles away from the apartment, there was NO ONE coming to get you until the end of the day, and that level of finality was hard to adjust to. I didn’t realize how much I depended on already being a part of the fabric of society until I reached out and there was no one else there to help. We both worked long hours away from each other, and we did not have a single friend to pass the time with on the weekends. We cried and compromised and ate a whole lot of rice and beans at the end of the month while we figured out what the hell we were doing. We made lists and goals and worked tirelessly for over a year straight to get out of debt and get back on track for our future.
But then one day I looked up and realized we had created an entire life in Oregon. We had actual friends and a support network and people we trusted who could give a reference. I had a favorite grocery store and a local vet and could drive to any place in town without relying entirely on google maps. I pushed myself to interact with other people, used my dog shamelessly to connect with other pet parents, and busted tail at work to set up a reference network that would allow me to get my foot in the door of private practice. I started to see every new experience as a way to challenge myself and prove that I could handle anything that life throws at me, and then took pride in the mountains I climbed to reach my goals.
Looking back, I can see where I would’ve gone had I not left my hometown. I would’ve gotten complacent in my work and in my life, and my ego would’ve grown to the point of needing a capital letter at the beginning just to iterate it’s importance. I would’ve thought life in small-town Midwest USA was the only way to live, and I would have stopped trying to explore the world around me because of the weird FOMO feeling in my chest every time I see something amazing. I don’t judge anyone who has a goal of safe, secure small-town life— it was an idyllic place to grow up, and gave me an appreciation for the concept of community. If that is your goal, then power to you and I hope that you wake up every day just as content as I am. But that life wasn’t for me— I needed something different. And I’ve found it— not in Oregon specifically, but just in the knowledge that I need big challenges and experiences in my life in order to be fulfilled. At the end of everything, my life is not going to look like anyone else’s, and that is what keeps me curious.
So shed that snake skin with a sense of excitement and purpose— bust out and take up all the space in your new world because you are an amazing human being. It hurts like hell and getting humbled is inevitable, but the next evolution of you is so worth all the effort and tears. Say yes to experiences and opportunities and walk away from the idea that you have to stay the same in order for other people to be happy. Leave behind the skeleton of who you were before and slide out into the sun as the confident new person you were meant to be- curves and creases and flaws and foolishness included.