I think most of us remember the feeling as children of being “shushed”. Told to be quiet or stay out of it or “you wouldn’t understand” by the adults in our life that seemed to know what they were doing.
But then you grow up, realize adults are a bunch of overgrown toddlers who don’t know which way the sun rises, and you are even more confused than you were when you were 8 because you’ve been taught to not ask questions or be a “bother” your whole life. You start realizing there is this conspiracy to pretend to be adults for children, but really adults are just as clueless as children about certain things. Emotional maturity? An old wives’ tale for most grown-ups. Mutual respect? A fantasy. Insecurity? The best friend to every individual, no matter their race, station, gender, or position.
But what lesson does that teach? Adults are crippled by all of these weird rules and beliefs that we were expected to adhere to as children but then all of a sudden disappear at the age of 18.
A quiet child? A blessing. A quiet adult? A weakling unable to advocate for themselves.
An active child? A curse. An active adult? A golden example of good habits as you age.
It’s confusing as hell! We spend 18 years teaching children how to be a certain way, and then are furious when they ARE that way. My favorite example of this is the participation trophy gripe. The older generations love to gripe about how the younger generations got participation trophies for everything, and we weren’t being taught how to lose. But the part they miss is that THEY WERE THE ONES TEACHING US THAT. If you didn’t want everyone to have a participation trophy… why did you, as the adults in the situation, make it that way? It’s like being mad there are birds everywhere while throwing seed out with your other hand.
So how do you overcome this knowledge gap?
How do you learn what they expect you to learn while they refuse to teach it to you?
You just start saying stuff. You start by asking questions, asking to be taught, asking to learn about things that confuse and scare you. Obviously, no one else cares as much as you about the things you learn and the skills you develop, so take control of your destiny by learning to unafraid to ask questions.
What does that mean?
Why does that happen?
How does that happen?
Is there an easier way to do it?
What are the downsides?
What are the upsides?
Can you teach me?
Can you show me?
What happens if I do this?
Why do we do it this way?
Why does it work that way?
Use your language. Use your words and your brain and your hands to learn, and improve, your life. You have all of these benefits and advantages that are available to you, and all you have to do is decide to spend the energy figuring it out. It takes energy to go to school, it takes energy to work, it takes energy to train and develop new skills. Decide how you want to spend your energy and ask for every single shred of help along the way.
There seems to be a “flex” about achieving goals by yourself or the hard way. But why? If you could’ve achieved the same goal but with less drama and heartbreak and effort, then why wouldn’t you? The drama doesn’t make the goal any better- it’s just the emphasis you put on the work that makes it seem better. The goal stays the same no matter what work you put in to it— the only difference is ego,
Your words are important. Your opinions and thoughts and ideas are valid. Speak up, and show your light to the world because the world is a better place when it has as many colors and experiences as possible.