When I was on-boarding for my last job at the National Guard, one of the recommended texts to read was “The Red Badge of Courage” by Stephen Crane. I was never forced to read it for school, so I actually got the opportunity to enjoy it as an adult with a little bit of context and experience behind me. The upshot is that while the physical “badges” of trauma are acknowledged and accepted, the mental “badges” of trauma are something to be shamed and shoved to the side.
We expect people to go through all these traumatic and life-changing experiences and yet show no sign of having been impacted by any of it. We want people with experience in positions of power, but too much experience somehow turns into a weakness. We see someone limping and we immediately run to help with doors and cars and parking spots, but watching someone melt down in the middle of a grocery store will only cause people to leave the area in a hurry, shaking their heads at some perceived drug or alcohol abuse.
We provide countless services and supports to people with visible disabilities, but we live in a country that continually strips back access to mental health interventions- the message being that mental illness and trauma don’t matter as much or don’t impact life as much. But as anyone who has experienced major mental or emotional trauma knows, sometimes it would be easier to have a physical issue to point to during the hard days. Days when you can’t eat or sleep but also can’t get out of bed, where blinking is a monumental effort and you can’t even begin to think of something that would make it better. You could at least point to a thing that someone else could see, and then that someone would be way more likely to give you the space or time that you need. But you can’t do that with your brain— you are expected to pretend like your brain isn’t the thing that is suffering.
But if it is, and you are, then this should be your moment to decide to do something. If you broke your ankle, you’d go to the hospital and get it fixed. If you had pneumonia, you’d see your doctor for some meds. If you wanted to get strong and build muscle, you’d go to the gym and put in the work. If you wanted to stop bad eating habits, you might start a food journal. But for some reason, when you are struggling mentally, you are just supposed to ignore it? Suppress it? Refuse to acknowledge that it is clearly impacting you? F**K THAT.
If your mind is unwell, GO SEE SOMEONE.
If your spirit is weakening, GO SEE SOMEONE.
If your trauma is drowning you, GO SEE SOMEONE.
See a doctor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a therapist, a social worker, a priest, a counselor, a support group, a tight group of friends. SEE SOMEONE. Talk to someone. Reach out and realize that everyone else in the world is also suffering in one way or another and we can all connect on that level. There is not a single person in this world that won’t come in contact with some sort of traumatic event— but there are people that will stay stuck and let it define them forever. Recognize that you are stuck, and shoot that hand up in the air and start waving like crazy because you deserve every ounce of help that you need to be okay again. The only people who should be ashamed are the ones that allow their trauma to warp their humanity.