You know how sometimes words become triggers? You say one word, and then all of a sudden, the conversation is derailed into a series of eye rolls and rants when you never actually asked them that question. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean it, or it was in reference to something else- sometimes people hear a word and automatically fill in all the information they need to know without any further explanation. The word and the concept have no chance to educate or grow or evolve because it’s stuck in the land of the misrepresentation.
I think “self-care” is one of those terms these days. You see on people’s faces- you say you need to take some time for self-care, and a look crosses their face. Contempt? Disgust? Envy? Confusion? Something that very clearly communicates that they do not approve of that activity. Now, it is true that no one is a mind reader, so it’s never 100% fact what someone is thinking… But I know when someone thinks I’m an idiot. Call it a special skill or dumb luck, but I pick up on that distaste pretty quickly. But as a mental health professional, I don’t understand why we are so insistent on clinging to that ideal.
Why is burnout praised? Why is self-care dissed? Why do we value a lifestyle that requires constant hustle to maintain? Why is it bad to have a balance between ambition and appreciation? The funny thing to me about human nature is how generally people fall into two camps about most things. For almost all situations, there are pros and cons, and people in each camp ready and willing to defend their opinion. Each side is absolutely convinced that they are right, and more importantly, convinced that the other side is comprised of utter morons. How could you possibly value and believe something that is the opposite of what I value and believe?
To those with burning internal ambition and drive, the other half of the world seems lazy and greedy. To those focused on valuing tranquility and peace, the other half seems manic and greedy. At the end of the day, there are people who thrive on chaos and people who don’t. But one thing all people have in common? They aren’t machines. No one has an inexhaustible source of energy- it’s simply not physically possible for humans to maintain a long-term routine of high stress, high drama, high impact and low rest. Whether you decide to crash or not, your body will shut down if it is not properly cared for. So what can you do?
Self-care! And it doesn’t have to be the traditional touchy-feely “therapy” stuff. It can be LITERALLY (with the standard harm no one/your self clause) whatever relaxes you and provides balance to the daily grind of life stress. There are the standards— taking a walk, taking a bath, journaling, playing with a pet, taking a nap, etc— and then there are the other kinds of things. Maybe you like to go out to the garden and rip out weeds to vent frustration. Maybe you rage-bake enough cookies for the entire neighborhood. Maybe you lay perfectly still on the couch and binge the series you’ve had in your queue forever. Maybe you take a walk into the woods and scream all your frustrations out at a tree. Maybe you go out with friends for a night of tapas and axe-throwing. Maybe you take a moment with your coffee in the morning sun just to close your eyes, take a breath, and be proud of all the progress you’ve made.