One of the best things that comes from aging is understanding yourself better. Understanding your likes, understanding your quirks, knowing your shortcomings, and being able to cobble together a system of operation that suits all those needs while checking the boxes of traditional life requirements. Being honest about how you want to spend your time, and being unapologetic about making choices that support that. There is such freedom in being an adult sometimes. There are a lot of rules and regulations, but all-in-all, it’s worth the work to give myself the freedom of choice and time.
With that development, it became more and more important to me to surround myself with people who supported those choices. I initially thought I was bad at making friends as an adult but then I realized that I was picky about who I gave my energy too, and I just had to be patient and wait for the right people to cross my path. I needed people who could see the flaws in themselves and in me and accept that with love and compassion. My professional career is in social work, so I really dislike filling my free time with people who see me as a social worker and not a friend. I am definitely the person that people call up when they are struggling- and I love being able to help my friends and family. But at the end of the conversation- ahem, session- they don’t bother to ask me about my life, or extend any interest into the things that I’m doing.
Now, I know that not everything needs to revolve around me… But if I just talked to you for 30 minutes about your problems and then you just hang up? That’s pretty freaking rude. And makes it fairly obvious that I am not your friend, but rather your therapist.
I don’t want more clients. I want people in my life that want to know me, that enjoy spending time with me, and that enjoy doing the things that I do. I’ll talk to you about your problems, but only if you talk to me about mine. Otherwise, leave your insurance information and at least that way I get something from the deal other than residual anger and frustration. Does that sound cold? Terminator brain might’ve be in charge on this one. But like I said above— I’m at a point in my life where I am comfortable with who I am, and comfortable with the way I process things. I’m open to new information, and I am not blind to what my flaws and shortcomings are. I’m not perfect or infallible, but I am upfront about it and happy with my choices.