Most of us have not heard this quote in this particular way. Of course, the more popular “practice makes perfect” is right in a way, but it’s also misleading. It emphasizes the positive aspects of this idea, but not the negative- and there are negative traits that we practice daily that become a permanent part of our lives.
When I think of practice, I think back to hours sitting in front of a piano, a flute, a canvas, a cookbook, or a sewing machine. It’s a tangible skill that I develop through practice that adds value to my life. But we practice mental skills constantly, 24/7, so it was funny to me that I heard this quote and didn’t even think about those skills at first. We assess risk, we make safety judgements, we talk to ourselves, and we maintain a running dialogue between what the heart wants and what the head needs— all huge, monumental tasks that we do without a second’s consideration. As we grow and experience life with other people, we start to embrace other ideas as well- comparison and competition.
So what happens when we practice those other skills, like negative self-talk and an overdriven need to “win”? Well, just like any other skill, we get better at it. We get better at finding just the right words to tear ourselves down, and just the right lens to see the world through that reduces us to nothing more than a set of measurements. We get better at viewing every other person in the world as a competitor, someone to beat, instead of someone to cooperate and grow with. We grow in arrogance when our practiced behaviors reinforce the belief that we are alone and without equal.
If you wake up every day and tell yourself it’s going to be a bad day, then eventually you will have nothing but bad days to remember. If you look at every person as an enemy to beat, then you will succeed at being at the top- the loneliest spot to be in. But then, what did you really win?
So practice different things.
Practice saying that you are worthwhile and valuable.
Practice setting boundaries that improve your mental health. Practice starting with compassion and cooperation instead of suspicion and derision.
Practice finding the silver lining in any shitty situation you find yourself in.
It’s not easy. It’s not quick, and it’s not simple. But you are already spending so much energy to practice negative skills— what would happen if you chose to put your energy into practicing positive ones? It will take time, but like anything you practice, it becomes a permanent part of you. The choice, as always, is yours!