There are a lot of gardening/mental health crossover metaphors and words of encouragement. Grow where you’re planted, flowers bloom best in adversity, even grass can grow through concrete (or whatever that one is). While endlessly talking and planning about the garden is fun, there comes a point where the work has to be done. No amount of preparation can overcome the lack of actual action.
That is where a lot of good intentions fail- the lack of action and follow through. Boundaries are only as good as those who are willing to uphold them, and that takes consistency, practice, and a willingness to walk away from toxic relationships. That’s sometimes the funny thing about therapy and other behavioral health treatment- it’s only as effective as you make it. I used to talk to a lot of people weekly, and every week it was the same story and the same issues- and the same low interest in making things different. It was too much effort to change, even to change things that were not working for them. And yes, changing behavior and perspectives is work— but so is managing your emotions and regulating behavior in a wildly dysfunctional environment. Both of those are work- one is just more familiar to you than the other.
Gardening is an excellent representation of that principle. You spend so much time drawing out garden plans, researching zones and companion plants, stocking up on supplies and lurking comments for tips and tricks. But then, one sunny day, it’s time to start doing. And taking that first step is by far the hardest- the step from the couch into tennis shoes and then outside. It’s time to put on your shitty clothes and start digging in the dirt. The first half of the project is going to look like a total disaster because in order to make something look good, you usually have to tear other things apart. In order to become a better version of yourself, you’ve got to shed the skin of the person you were and the expectations you had. You’ve got to tear your yard apart in order to get it ready for something amazing to happen. Then you reach a tipping point moment- everything starts to come together, you can see the rows take shape, and it motivates you to finish out the rest of the transformation because GODDAMN does it feel good to see the reward of your effort- in your yard and in the mirror.
So go to therapy- but put the work in. Fill out the worksheets, make the gratitude lists, have the hard talks, and take a good hard look at yourself to own up to some of your nonsense. You can start small- just one plant or habit at a time. You can take as long as you need to feel in control of it, and it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
But if all you are doing is complaining, then leave that at the garden gate because everyone else has some real work to do.